2023#
Welcome to my 2023 Collection of Nonsense#
This year has been a year of continuous self-awareness for me - who am I, what do I want, why do I exist in this world. Every year, my biggest wish is to have a better understanding of myself. Self-consistency, self-justification, and maintaining biases are all important to me.
Keyword: Web3
The biggest keyword this year is undoubtedly Web3. Because of Web3, I have met many people and become more fragmented as an individual. However, because of Web3, I have also taken many first steps. I am grateful for Web3 and for the many friends, online friends, and colleagues I have met this year. From the mountains in January to domestic travels in December, I have been to 9 different places and taken more than 15 flights this year. It was the year with the most flights and international travels for me since 2011. Montenegro → France → Portugal → France → China → Hong Kong → Singapore → Turkey → Japan → Taiwan → China. It was the first time I truly experienced the advantages of having a passport. This year has also been the year when I have met the most people, some of whom I have met multiple times. From online acquaintances to in-person meetings, and then becoming old friends. It's truly magical and full of fate, and fate has indeed happened.
Perhaps because I am in Europe and hold the roles of a hacker and DevRel, I have felt exceptionally divided this year. I am not saying who is right or wrong, making money is not a problem, and making money is not a problem either. The problem lies in my understanding of this industry. The experiences in the East and the West are very, very different. My Twitter account is a good example - the Western circle discusses technology, while many Chinese tweets are about making money. Everyone has their own position, but as an observer, I feel divided and uncoordinated. Overall, the ratio in the West should be 5:5, with half being technical professionals and half being speculators, while in China, it feels like 80% speculators + money-making + scientists. This makes me feel very uncomfortable, similar to how I felt in Singapore this year. There were so many messages and groups, and I really couldn't handle so much information, nor did I want to know how much a certain coin had risen. But I told myself that in life, we often face many choices, or rather, every step we take is a choice. I have a clear understanding of myself, that sometimes I am not very smart, and I cannot multitask like many others. I can only focus on either trading or research. Therefore, I choose research. Research makes me happier and calmer, and I hope to persist in this industry forever. I am not lacking money, it's just that I'm not really interested in these things, hahaha. This year, I have gained a better understanding of myself and have become more indifferent, without desires or demands. Desires have dissipated, and I have accepted the monotony.
I have really learned a lot this year, covering various fields such as Greenfield, AI, Depin, EVM, ZK, NFT, and have tried many new things. I have developed a Discord bot, a Chrome extension, and have independently developed a DAPP. I have participated in 4 hackathons, judged 3 of them, and won some bounties in 3 out of 4 hackathons. Although my job doesn't require much development skills, I still write good code and learn technology by reading documentation. I think I have done well in terms of learning and expressing my views this year. Although the output of research reports is relatively low, I have written about 10 high-quality tweets and articles, and I hope to write more and maintain my number of followers next year. Through research, I have met many talented individuals, which made me admire their outstanding abilities and feel sigh about my own shortcomings. It is because of your excellence that I am able to study and express myself more diligently. Although many of you are just online friends, I couldn't help but shed tears of gratitude. Finally, I want to say that even though we should set aside biases and embrace bubbles in a bull market, for me, the reason I stay in this industry is not for the monetary effect. I hope to maintain my biases and move forward independently.
Keyword: Suffering
Many old friends have said that I have improved a lot this year. The current me has formed a self-consistent closed loop, while the previous me was still searching. Life requires subtraction, and the current me has reduced many unnecessary thoughts and emotional expenditures. Although I carry suffering, life is no longer just black and white, it has gained some colors and human touch.
This whole year has brought significant changes compared to the past few years. In the past, I lived in suffering, believed in suffering, and was obsessed with suffering. Due to some early experiences, I began to be excessively harsh on myself. It can be explained in one sentence: the bullying and harshness of my inner personality towards my external personality made it impossible for me to rest or escape from certain states. So, it's not that I enjoy working, but rather, I need to work in order to feel pain and not be numb.
However, this year, work has gradually become less effective, but I still love it and need it to enrich myself and feel the meaning of being alive in this world. Perhaps this is the side effect of early exposure to society. I started working at the age of 17 and have always had high-intensity part-time or full-time jobs. There was a time when I worked 7 days a week, more than 70 hours a day, worked continuously for 23 days without rest, and even had taxes deducted because of having too many part-time jobs. Work has always been with me.
Working overtime is my demanding requirement for myself. I hope to do better and do more. Many times, I am like an overheated steam engine, without alarms like others have when overloaded. There was a period of time when I was in a state of ups and downs and exhaustion, and the worst part was that I didn't realize it because I was not aware of the need to protect myself from my own harshness. I am still not mature enough in many aspects, haha.
But this year, I have met many people who have opened up my heart and allowed more thoughts to come in, accepting new logic and making myself more complete. I want to thank the people I have met this year.
Work is still important now, it is the meaning of being alive for me, but I am doing what I love. However, I am still the person who works overtime like drinking water, and this may not change. Work will always be a priority, a workaholic.
This passage is a bit contradictory - part of it is about how my friends think I have improved, and part of it is about how I have actually fallen into a deeper whirlpool. Actually, because of Web3 this year, I often find myself unable to escape from work, and the feeling of being mentally strained has become even more severe. I will feel pain because I haven't learned enough, which pushes me to study harder. The progress in the industry is too fast, with new topics every day, technological innovations, industry trends, or other replacements. Falling behind without learning is the source of pressure for me. But it is also because of the pressure in the industry that I love it even more. Lastly, let's talk about work. For me, the way we live our lives and the kind of life we live are our own choices. It's just that for me, the long-term self-struggle has made me realize that I am a highly functional, highly sensitive, and avoidant person. I need work to maintain my hope for the world. Although work is gradually devouring me, I am gradually becoming less useful. I should really go and see.
Keyword: Life
I am still single this year! Work is my family! (Just kidding)
My current state is not suitable for entering into relationships. Although there have been hopes, the issue of "once in you never come out" is indeed a big one. I love Web3, so I want to devote all my energy to it. Therefore, I don't have much time to allocate to life and emotions. However, I have been on some dates this year, although fewer than last year, but there are more women around me, perhaps because I am more relaxed. There are many outstanding women around me, but I am not really interested in them, I appreciate them more. They can shine and radiate independently without needing a man! Sisters, keep it up. I admire their talents and clear understanding, and I feel that it's great to have them. Although I still have crushes, they quickly fade away, and I am still as unstable as ever. But this year, I have a clear idea of my future - I don't have to get married, I don't have to have children, many things are not necessary.
In terms of cooking, I have made some progress, my knife skills have improved. Although the frequency of cooking has decreased, I still try my best to make better dishes. Cooking must be enjoyable!
Finally, in 2024, I will stay true to my original intentions and maintain self-consistency. I have created my own world.