2023#
Welcome to my 2023 Collection of Nonsense#
This year is still a year of continuous self-awareness for me. Who am I, what do I want, why do I live in this world? Every year, my biggest wish is to understand myself better. Consistency, coherence, and maintaining biases.
Keyword: Web3
The biggest keyword this year is undoubtedly web3. Because of web3, I have met many people and become more fragmented as an individual, but I have also taken many first steps because of web3. Thanks to web3, I am grateful for the many friends, online friends, and colleagues I have met this year. From the mountains in January to domestic travels in December, I have been to 9 different places and taken more than 15 flights this year. This year has been the year with the most flights and international travels for me since 2011. Montenegro → France → Portugal → France → China → Hong Kong → Singapore → Turkey → Japan → Taiwan → China. I experienced the advantages of having a passport for the first time. This year has also been the year when I met the most people, and I have probably met many friends multiple times. From online friends to in-person meetings, and then becoming acquainted with old friends. It's truly magical and full of fate, and fate has indeed happened.
Perhaps because I am in Europe and hold the roles of a hacker and DevRel, I have felt exceptionally divided this year. I am not saying who is right or wrong, making money is not a problem, and making money is not a problem. The problem lies in my understanding of this industry. The experiences in the East and the West are very, very different. My Twitter is a good example of this, with the Western circle discussing technology, while many Chinese tweets are about making money. Everyone has their own position, but as an observer, I feel divided and uncoordinated. Overall, the ratio in the West should be 5:5, with half being technical professionals and half being speculators, while in China, it feels like 80% speculators + making money + scientists. This makes me feel very uncomfortable, similar to my feelings in Singapore this year. I can't handle so much information from various news and groups, and I don't want to know how much a certain coin has increased. But I tell myself that in life, we often face many choices, or rather, every step we take is a choice. I have a clear understanding of myself, that sometimes I am not very smart, and I can only focus on one task at a time, either trading or researching. Therefore, I choose research, which makes me happier and calmer. I hope to persist in this industry forever. I am not lacking money, it's just that I'm not really interested in these things, hahaha. This year, I have gained more self-understanding and become more indifferent, without desires or demands, dissipating desires and accepting boredom.
I have really learned a lot this year, covering many areas such as Greenfield, AI, Depin, EVM, ZK, NFT, and trying many new things. I developed a Discord bot, a Chrome extension, and independently developed a DAPP. I participated in 4 hackathons, judged 3 of them, and received some bounties from 3/4 of the hackathons. Although my work doesn't require much development skills, I still write code and learn technology by reading documentation. I think I have done well in terms of learning and expressing my opinions this year. Although the output of research reports is relatively low, I have written about 10 high-quality tweets and articles, and I hope to write more and maintain my number of followers next year. Through research, I have met many talented people, which makes me admire their outstanding talents and feel sigh about my own shortcomings. It is because of your excellence that I can study and output more diligently. Although many of you are just online friends, I can't help but shed tears of gratitude. Finally, I want to say that although in a bull market, we should let go of biases and embrace bubbles, for me, the reason I stay in this industry is not for the money. I want to maintain my biases and move forward independently.
Keyword: Suffering
Many old friends have said that my state has improved a lot this year. The current me has formed a self-consistent closed loop, while the previous me was still searching. Life requires subtraction, and the current me has reduced many unnecessary thoughts and emotional expenditures. Although burdened with suffering, life is no longer just black and white, it has gained some colors and more human touch.
This whole year has brought significant changes compared to the past few years. I used to live in suffering, believe in suffering, and indulge in suffering. Due to some early reasons, I began to be excessively harsh on myself. It can be explained in one sentence: the bullying and harshness of the inner personality towards the outer personality made it impossible for me to rest or escape from certain states. So, it's not that I enjoy working, but I need to work to feel pain, to no longer be numb.
But this year, work has gradually become less effective, but I still love it and need it to enrich myself and feel the meaning of being alive in this world. Perhaps this is the side effect of early exposure to society. I started working at the age of 17 and have always had high-intensity part-time or full-time jobs. There was a time when I worked 7 days a week, over 70 hours a day, worked continuously for 23 days without rest, and even had taxes deducted because of too many part-time jobs. Work has always been with me.
Working overtime is my demanding requirement for myself. I hope to do better and do more. Many times, I am like an overheated steam engine, others would have alarms when overloaded, but I don't. There was a period of time when I was in a state of ups and downs and exhaustion, and the worst part was that I didn't realize it because I didn't realize that I needed to protect myself from my own harshness. I am still not mature enough in many aspects, haha.
But this year, I have met many people, some of whom have opened up my heart and brought in more thoughts, accepting new logics, and making myself more complete. I want to thank the people I have met this year.
Work is still important now, it is the meaning of being alive for me, but I am doing what I love. However, I am still the person who works overtime like drinking water, and this may not change. Work will always be a priority, a workaholic.
This passage is a bit fragmented when I wrote it, with some friends thinking I am doing better, while I actually fell into a deeper vortex. Actually, because of web3 this year, I often find it difficult to detach from work, and the feeling of being mentally strained has become even more severe. I will feel pain because I haven't learned, which pushes me to study harder. The progress of the industry is too fast, with new topics every day, technological innovations, industry trends, or other replacements. Falling behind without learning is the source of pressure for me. But it is also because of the pressure from the industry that I love it even more. Finally, let's talk about work. For me, the way we live in this world and the way we live are all our own choices. It's just that for me, the long-term self-struggle has made me realize that I am a highly functional + highly sensitive + avoidant person. I need work to maintain my hopes for the world. Although work is gradually devouring me, gradually focusing on work has become less useful. I really should go and see.
Keyword: Life
I am still single this year! Work is my home! (Just kidding)
My current state is not suitable for entering into relationships. Although there have been hopes, the problem of "once in you never come out" is indeed significant. I love web3, so I want to invest all my energy into it. Therefore, I don't have much time to allocate to life and emotions. However, I have been on some dates this year, although fewer than last year, but there are more women around me, maybe because I am more relaxed. There are many outstanding women around me, but I am not really interested in them, I appreciate them more. They can shine and radiate independently without needing a man! Sisters, keep it up. I admire their talents and clear understanding, and I feel that it's great to have them. Although I still have crushes, they quickly fade away, and I am still as unstable as ever. But this year, I have a clear idea of my future. I don't have to get married, I don't have to have children, many things are not necessary.
In terms of cooking, I have made some progress, my knife skills have improved. Although the number of times I cook has decreased, I still try my best to make better dishes. Cooking must be joyful!
Finally, in 2024, stay true to your original intentions, stay consistent, and create my own world.